Realisations
by seeleysangel
Summary: Why did Bones stay when Sully left?


Title:Realisations

Pairing:Brennan/Booth

Rating:PG at the moment

Disclaimer:I own nothing. Brennan and Booth are owned by FOX. Sadly Booth is not mine.

Authors Note:This is just something that popped into my head. Could be something bigger but not sure yet. Please review and let me know what you think.

I can't believe it. Why does everything always come back to him? Sully invites me to travel all over the world with him, sailing on a boat named after me and I say no. Everyone told me to leave, Booth, Angela even I tried to tell myself to go. I just couldn't be the person who would leave those that I love behind. It has been something that has happened to me so often that the pain is still there inside of me. I have never had people like these in my life and I am not ready to be without them. Sully may have been the beginning of something but it had never really been more than companionship. Sure Sully was talented but there was something he was missing. He wasn't Booth.

I know I have spent the better part of the last year denying my feelings to not only my best friend but also to myself. It wasn't until after he had told me that I should leave with Sully that I finally realised it. I was so devastated that he would tell me to leave. I thought I meant more to him than that. The hurt that flooded through my body was akin to that of my family leaving me behind yet again. I thought I had done a brilliant job of not allowing myself to become entangled in these emotional situations but obviously the heart will make it's own decisions no matter what I decide to tell it. So what the hell am I meant to do now? I mean I can't just tell him that I have decided to stay because I have realised that he means more to me than Sully. I can't let him know that my feelings have changed. He is a part of my life that I am not in anyway willing to lose. Although I realise that I may lose him even if I do nothing. Look at what happened when he was with Cam. I almost lost him. Well he was still around but he wasn't on my case to eat, to leave the office. I hate to admit it but I missed him. No matter how infuriating he seems to be, I missed his smirks. I missed looking up from my PC and seeing him leaning against the doorway. Not that I would ever let him know. I just kept myself busy and focused my attention on the case and on my novel. Not to mention stupidly spending time with the killer and having Booth arrest him while we were out. I know he tried to be subtle about it but honestly I was absolutely mortified.

Looking back now it is no wonder that Angela has been pushing me towards Booth. I mean I have spent the majority of the year looking for reasons to push him away from me. We argue about religion, when in fact, although I have no religion of my own, I respect those who have enough faith to believe in something that they can't see. Without actually thinking I have told him that I don't want children. To tell you the truth until that moment I had never really even thought about it. Here I am, a respected doctor of anthropology, and I still seem to turn into a normal human female when ever he is around, always finding something to argue about.

So here I am standing on the jetty watching a man, who claimed to love me, sail away to start his life somewhere else. I think that maybe he couldn't be with me as me. Temperance Brennan. The abandoned daughter, the abandoned sister, doctor, friend and most of all partner. Maybe he thought things would be different if we were alone. It had taken me many years to be comfortable with the person that I have become and I am proud to be me. I don't think Sully would ever understand that no matter where I was I would still be me.

I knew Booth was behind me but I wasn't ready to turn and face him yet. He has been there for a while but I needed this time. It was the little things like this that made it difficult for me to remind myself that I can't have him. He is my partner, my best friend and for the first time I have allowed someone into my life and I am not ready for them to leave. I am not ready to leave him. I know I can't stand here forever but I am worried that he will be able to read the desire in my eyes. I am worried that I will not be able to hide from him the emotions that have been running through me.

Toughen up Brennan. I willingly chase after murderers and I can't look at Booth. I am going to have to move past this eventually. Ok take a big deep breath and on three. One, two, three…..

"Hey Booth"

Part 2

Looking down at the paperwork on my desk I knew I wasn't going to be able to get any more work done today. Why hadn't I told her the truth? She asked me plain and simple. Should she go? Everything within me was screaming no. Tell her no. Yet I heard myself telling her to go for it. That it would be good for her. Who was I trying to convince her or me? I knew she would do what she wanted in the end, as she always did. Thinking about it now, I must admit to feeling a sense of pride that she would ask my opinion of such a major decision in her life. She would have to be one of the strangest women I have ever had the pleasure to meet. She wasn't anything like any of my previous girlfriends. They were always so needy. She didn't seem to need me for anything. I know I shouldn't compare Bones to my girlfriends but that is exactly what I want her to be in my life. What the hell have I done?

Who am I kidding? I can't let her go. I was already out the door of my office and nearly running to the car park as the thoughts went through my head. I cursed myself over and over for ever shooting that clown. She would never have spent time with Sully otherwise. There was no one else for me to blame for this situation then myself. I was the one who threw our partnership away. I could never have guessed that the consequences of my actions could have been losing her. If I knew now what would have happened, there is no way I would have even drawn my gun. I would have let the stupid ice cream man play his music in my office for the rest of my life if it meant that Bones would stay with me forever. I need to get to the marina. I need to get there now! Putting the sirens on, I raced through the traffic. It seemed to take a lifetime to make the trip across town. What was I going to say when I got there? I am sure I couldn't just walk up to her and tell her not to go. If there is anything I have learnt about that woman it is that she hates being told what to do. How do you explain to someone that they mean more to you than just a partner? How could I let her know how empty my life would be without her by my side? Come on Seeley. Think rationally. A rational argument will work the best. I knew the way her mind worked. I knew her better than Sully did.

That sure wouldn't work. I can see her there standing with her hands on her hips looking at me. I can even hear the words coming out of her mouth. She would tell me to stop trying to exert my alpha male dominance onto her. That I couldn't control everything and then she would leave. Next. Her work. Now that I could rationalise. Although Zack was qualified now I knew there was no way he and I would have the same working relationship that I do with Bones. There was no way I was going to take him out in the field with me. I knew that she still had reservations about leaving her career and the Jeffersonian behind. Okay. It is horrible and it is devious but I need to try something. I would never forgive myself if I just let her leave without at least trying to convince her. I don't want to have a "what if" in my life.

Finally, I could see the entrance to the marina and just prayed that I wasn't too late. I pulled up to the front of the marina and parked the car. I raced towards the dock looking for Sully's boat. "Temperance" I can't believe he named his boat after her. I mean really!! What an absolute sap. I knew though, that he had declared more to her in that moment then I had throughout our entire partnership. Finally I spotted the boat although, no, it was pulling away from the dock. I almost fell to the ground as I realised I was too late. No not like this! Seeley Booth doesn't give up. I opened my mouth to yell out to her as my legs raced me closer to the dock when I noticed the lone figure standing there looking out towards the ocean watching "Temperance" sail away. As I studied the silhouette my heart began to race. She is here. She didn't go. She didn't leave. I said a silent prayer of thanks. I knew that this had not been an easy decision for her so although I wanted to run to her and pull her so tightly to me to reassure myself that she was still there I knew that she needed this time. She would turn around when she was ready and I would be there for her. I took a number of deep breaths needing to calm myself before she saw me.

As she slowly turned around and looked at me I knew that things had to change. I didn't ever want to feel this way again. I don't want to worry about losing her. I want to know that she will be by my side forever. I knew she had spoken but I hadn't heard her. I was too busy looking at her. God she was beautiful. She walked towards me and I put my arms around her not even realising that I was speaking. Holding her close to me, close to my heart and vowing she would never want to leave my side again.

The End


End file.
